My brother was home recently and we spent some time discussing the things our mom had taught us. We were both laughing about things she had said that now come out of our own children's mouths! We had repeated her words so often that we had definitely passed them down.
The wisdom from Mom I have thought about the last few days is pretty commonly expressed by parents. We have all heard "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". I can remember hearing that especially as a young child, and saying it alot when my own children were young. It's so difficult to teach them what is appropriate to say, and to explain that thin line between truth and hurtful unnecessary words.
While I have always known to try and say only nice things, it is a struggle. I don't really know anyone who doesn't struggle with it. Women are encouraged to "vent" to each other and "let your feelings out". We are taught that it is healthy.
Honestly, I don't believe that anymore. In our Sunday School class, we have been studying 1 Corinthians 13 in a more intense study than I have ever done on that chapter. God revealed some things to me in a big way. I have always thought that love is a positive feeling, a positive act that we do for others. As I study more, I realize that it is much more. Love is as much about the things I DON'T do. It's about not having pride, not being easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs, not delighting in evil.
Our words can be so evil. We discuss things, share things, and never realize the danger and pain we are causing. We stir up emotions in others by agreeing with their feelings and confirming them. I think I am just beginning to see how much I can harm others by a simple well-meaning statement that I haven't really thought about.
While I have recently been the victim of people's hurtful words and judgments, all I can think about is how often I have stirred up evil with my own words. I can't even imagine a world in which people only spoke encouraging, caring words. I can't even imagine MYSELF speaking only encouraging, caring words.
A couple of weeks ago, I ordered purple bracelets from "A Complaint Free World". The idea is to wear the bracelet as a reminder to not criticize, be negative, or complain for 21 days. (the time it takes to create a habit) If you slip up, you switch the bracelet to the other arm for the remainder of the day and start over the next day. Some of the youth have volunteered to try it, as well as some of our closest friends.
The conversations we have had over wearing the bracelets have been interesting. People have asked lots of questions about what is truly criticism and what is just "constructive criticism". I have found that I can answer that by what is the intent of my heart. If I am struggling to find a way to say something so that it won't be considered negative, I should not say it. The bracelet is a subtle reminder to think before I speak. I have to ask the question "Is what I am about to say encouraging, uplifting, loving"? If not, just keep silent.
"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" seems like a simple preschool saying. I think it is much, much more than that. It is a biblical truth meant to keep us out of trouble, closer to God, and a blessing to others. I'm going to keep working on it.
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