Thinking back.....

I miss my mom today!

I don't say this for pity, but because I just have to acknowledge it out loud some days! Today I want to call her and just talk about absolutely nothing in particular. I want to tell her things about my life that noone else in the world cares anything about. I want to "be girls" together and laugh and share secrets. I want to tell her about Collin and how he squeals out loud. I want to tell her Micah went to the Cubs vs Cardinals series (she loved the Cardinals!) in St. Louis. I want to tell her Meredyth is feeling better, and Patty is doing Zumba, and Cooper is loving his job, and JJ and Heidi went to Paris, and Noah is ready for college.

I remember that Mom always had time for me. I knew if I called her, she was always glad to hear my voice. If I stopped by her house, she was always glad to see me. I was her joy - and I knew that. All of her children, and grandchildren, were her joy.

I was having lunch with a friend a couple of months after my mom died. She was sharing with me that it was difficult to watch me grieve because she did not have that relationship with her mom, and probably never would. She was so sorry for my loss, but told me to be very grateful for that relationship.

It took a while, but I have moved to grateful. At first, grief is so massive, so all-encompassing, that it hovers over you and distorts your view. Now, it is still there, and I know it will not ever completely leave. However, I rejoice in the gift Mom was to me. She gave me lots of things, but most of all, she gave me her time and her unconditional love.

If you have people like that in your life, cherish them! They are an extraordinary gift.

I am blessed.