Peace, Peace, Peace

I remember from my many studies with Beth Moore that I should listen carefully whenever something keeps getting repeated in my Bible studies. God is trying to teach me something. So what's the new teaching that keeps coming up over and over and over? It's peace - and loving people. They go hand in hand.

I listened to Joyce Meyer every morning, and she teaches on peace and love. I went to church, and William preached on conflict resolution and loving others. Sunday night training study is focused on resolving conflict. Last week, I asked God for a specific verse, a specific word that would help me know how to handle a relationship with someone I care very much about. The next day, as I studied, He gave me 1 Corinthians 13:5. I'm pretty familiar with that verse, but I heard it in a different translation, and it spoke to me in a whole new way.

"Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not envy

It does not boast

It is not proud

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs."

That last line was what got me.

If I look at myself, I have to say sometimes I keep a record of wrongs. The NAS translation says "does not take into account a wrong suffered", and that seems much less "in your face". But, keeping a record of wrongs is so specific. When I look at someone, do I see that person through the eyes of love and compassion and mercy, or do I mentally catalog a record of wrongs?

A few months ago, despair was my closest friend. I hate that about myself. There came a point where I had to say "God, I don't care what you do, I just can't feel this way any more. Just please, please change me". Now, if I'm honest, that prayer scared me. Why do I always think I will get cancer if I pray that prayer? (Don't laugh at me please)

Instead, God began to teach me to let go of things that I was holding on to. As I let them go - the anger, the fear, the bitterness, the desire for justice - I found peace replace those things in my heart. He called me to stop looking backward, and begin looking forward. There is no room in my future for my past. Although I can learn from it, it doesn't define me. It isn't about the wrongs I have committed, or the wrongs I have suffered, it is about extending love and mercy to others, whether I feel they deserve it or not. It's also about extending love and mercy to myself, when I know I don't deserve it. When I stop looking horizontally, and just look to Christ, my heart is full and my peace is abundant.

I love peace.