Mother's Day Follow Up.......

I'm kind of laughing to myself this morning. It was not my intention to make everyone around me afraid to set me off on Mother's Day, but I think my last blog post did just that!

It WAS my intention to be honest about a really difficult day.

I think it's important to tell you how it went. On Saturday, Meredyth and Cooper, Dad, Michael and I, and my brother Dana all went to the cemetery. We took flowers and balloons. The balloons were my aunt's idea. She and a friend had released balloons at the one year anniversary of her mom's death, and it was helpful to her. So...we placed the flowers by my mom's grave, put flowers on my sister's grave, and then released the balloons. The day after Mother's Day would have been my mom's birthday, so we released a birthday balloon also.

It was a beautiful day! If you live around here, you know we haven't had many of those lately. The sun was shining and the breeze was gentle. I felt like I had truly celebrated Mom's life and I was glad we had set apart that time to remember her.

Saturday night was prom night, so we spent the day picking up flowers, getting ready, taking pictures, and then preparing a 3 a.m. breakfast for the senior class. Noah and Bailey looked amazing, and we had a fantastic time.

Sunday, I felt pretty good despite the fact that I had not slept at all. In fact, I remarked to Meredyth and Cooper over breakfast that I was so glad we had celebrated Mom the day before, and I felt really on top of things. Peaceful. I was going to be emotionally stable through Mother's Day! YAY!

I made it through Sunday School and our study in Hebrews. It was a great lesson. I made it through the first couple of songs in worship service, too. I thought the Mother's Day recognition part might be hard, but I was prepared for it. Well, let's say I was prepared for the typical Mother's Day recognition part. However, our pastor, William wasn't doing the typical thing. Uh-oh. He actually asked all the women to stand, young and older, and said that Mother's Day is a great day, but also a hard day for some. Some are dealing with infertility, some are dealing with loss, and it can be an emotional day. He then prayed over all of the women in the church, asking God to mend their hearts and be near to them. Here come the tears.

As we sang the next song, I glanced around the sanctuary to see if anyone was staring at me as my mascara ran down my face. What I saw was several women, women I love, crying, too. Wow. I wasn't the only one.

Our pastor started to preach through Job a couple of weeks ago, and honestly I wasn't too excited about it. I haven't been hanging out in Job the last year. I have been spending my time in the Psalms. As the sermon began, I got myself together, got my notebook out, and prepared to dive into note-taking mode. I didn't want to brag, but I was pretty familiar with the book of Job.

I wrote the title of the sermon on my paper "Do You Trust God when You Cannot See the Whole Picture". I wrote it with my favorite gel pen that has the fine tip and doesn't smear. The text was Job 2:11 - 31:40. William began to talk about how we should minister to the suffering. As he read some of Job's words, and began to talk about Job's feelings, I suddenly began to identify with his words in a whole new way. Oh my! I had felt those feelings! I said those same things. I asked those same questions that Job did. I hurt when my friends didn't understand. I hurt when I wondered where God was.

You probably know what happened. I began to cry. And I couldn't stop. I cried through the whole sermon. (And we have long sermons. William, if you read this, I like your long sermons.) I think I saw William keep looking at me as if to say "Are you ok?" and I felt bad that I must have been a huge distraction. I just couldn't stop.

I know everyone must have thought I was losing it because I missed my mom on Mother's Day. I wasn't. I do miss her, but I was crying because God is SO FAITHFUL. A passage from Job is not what I would expect to speak to my heart on Mother's Day. But it did. I clearly saw that through all the hard stuff, all the days when I felt completely alone, God understood my pain and never left my side. He understood my questions and my loneliness, and He could handle it. He is my Comforter.

I learned alot from Job last Sunday, including how to better comfort others. Actually, I have been learning that this whole last year. I'm thankful for that.

If you tiptoed around me this last weekend, I apologize. Please don't think I am still in the depths. I'm not. I plummet there from time to time, but I don't allow myself to stay there. God has surrounded me with his love and presence, and it fills my heart with hope. I hope you see that.

I got to talk to each of my kids on Mother's Day, and that was wonderful. I love being their mom, and it's all I ever wanted to be. I love you guys! I will end with a picture of Noah and me before the prom. Isn't he handsome?