My story - The Beginning

Everyone has a story. Because Jesus Christ is my Savior, I also have a testimony. I have given that testimony publicly in a condensed way twice. The first time, my pastor asked me to speak in front of our church about ten years ago. At that time, he didn't know much about my history, so he was surprised by what I shared. Last year, our church started a new group called "Ladies' Legacy". The women of the church would meet in someone's home once a quarter and a few women would tell their testimonies. It was a great way to get to know each other better, as well as support each other in our own spiritual journey. I told my story there to about twenty women, and it was a safe and supportive place to do so.

After each occasion, I found that there were definitely things I had left out. I didn't do that on purpose, but it is just very difficult for me to speak about myself. It is also hard for me to speak in public. I was raised in a time when people didn't "air their dirty laundry". I still struggle to share personal things from that time. In my head I just keep hearing "noone is interested in that". I persevere in telling my testimony only because there are so many miracles that God has performed in my life, and I don't want to omit any of them.

In an effort to fully tell my spiritual journey, I decided to record it here. It is pretty lengthy, so I will tell it in smaller pieces.

Part One:

I was born into a family that was not Christian. My mom says she attended church when she lived at home with her parents, but when she decided to marry my dad, he did not attend a church. They were married very young, and knew when they married that they would be unable to have children due to some health problems my mom had.

They were married in July of 1961, and well-surprise! I was born to them in July of 1962. My mom says she was overjoyed that they could have a child, and she had a baby again in July of 1963. She, however, only lived two days. My brother was born in July of 1965.

My dad was a very hard worker, and he threw himself into his job as a route salesman. Money was tight, I understand, and I was pretty sick as a baby. My dad soon developed a habit of stopping off for a quick beer with his coworkers on the way home from work, as he felt he deserved that break. I'm not sure how long it took for alcohol to take hold of him and become an addiction, but at some point it took over as his priority.

We moved alot when I was little, and finally settled down in one place when I was seven. My dad had a really good management job, and my mom was a homemaker. It was around this time in my life that my mother became chronically ill with rheumatoid arthritis.

My elementary school years were hard. My dad was drinking very very heavily, and our family life was in chaos. I'm not sure I knew how messed up things were at that time! This was our "normal" and I didn't really know that other families didn't live as we did. I remember that my dad was often physically and verbally abusive. He flew off the handle with little provocation, and we walked on eggshells most of the time. He repeatedly told us "Get away from me, I don't even like kids!" He hit my mom, who I knew sometimes baited him to keep him away from us.

My brother and I were/are extremely close, and I felt an overwhelming need to protect him from whatever I could. Noone else really knew what was going on in our home, or if they did they didn't intervene.

I had one of my first experiences with church that I can remember when I was still in elementary school. My dad worked some on Sundays, so he didn't allow us to go to church. I was surprised when he let me go with my friend and her parents who lived down the street.
They attended a general Baptist church a couple of blocks away. I don't remember the sermon, but I sure remember the invitation! The pastor begged people to come forward, and he posed the question of where would you go if you died that day. Hmm...I didn't know much about religion or God, but I knew I wasn't going to heaven. I was the most painfully shy child you would ever meet, but I had to go forward. I just had to. There was alot of rejoicing in the church, but I didn't really know what it was all about. I suppose my friends' parents spoke to mine at some time about my trek down the aisle, but I didn't follow through with my "decision" and wasn't baptized. I was pretty confused.

That event did begin to shape my views of God, however. I learned enough that Sunday to realize that God is "all-knowing" and "all-powerful". In other words, there was Someone out there who was in control and had the power to change any situation. I really had noone to talk to, so I began to talk to God in my room all the time.

.....to be continued......